EVERYTHING I’M NOT IS EVERYTHING I AM.

MY FIRST GYM JOB WAS AT ABOUT 16 YEARS OLD.

I’VE HAD A TOTAL OF 7 DIFFERENT “GYM HOMES” (CLOSER TO 10 COUNTING THE ONES I WORKED OUT IN AS A WILDFLOWER).

“GYM HOME” BECAUSE IN EACH OF THESE PLACES I LEGITIMATELY SPENT MORE TIME AT THE GYM THAN I DID AT HOME. AND I WOULD OFTEN TAKE NAPS THERE TOO (CONSEQUENCES OF EXTREMELY EARLY MORNING AND LATE NIGHTS).

I HAVE SPENT MORE THAN A DECADE OF MY LIFE BASICALLY LIVING IN A GYM.

YOU SEE THINGS VERY DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU OBSERVE PEOPLE COMING AND GOING FOR 12-15 HOURS A DAY.

YOU SEE THE TRENDS. THE FADS. THE DAILY PATTERNS. 

YOU LEARN EVERYONE’S USUAL TRAINING DAYS, HOURS, AND MUSCLE SPLITS. YOU EVEN LEARN THEIR MONTHLY PR’S!

AND WITHIN THAT GYM SPACE, IT’S ALWAYS BEEN VERY EASY TO IDENTIFY EVERYTHING I’M NOT.

I’M NOT SPEAKING WITH A VOICE OF INSECURITY EITHER. INSTEAD, JUST ONE OF FACT AND OBJECTIVITY REGARDING THE STARK DIFFERENCES I’VE ALWAYS FELT BETWEEN ME AND THE FITNESS WORLD.

AT TIMES I HAVE FELT COMPLETELY OFF CALIBUR FROM THE REST OF THE FITNESS WORLD. BUT MOSTLY I’VE FELT LIKE A LEADER AND SO AUTHENTICALLY ME - I COULDN’T IMAGINE LIFE ANY OTHER WAY.

7-8 YEARS AGO, AT THE PEAK OF MY FITNESS, I FELT VERY “AHEAD OF THE CURVE”. WOMEN BEING REALLY STRONG AND OWNING THE WEIGHT ROOM FLOOR HAD NOT YET BECOME THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA NORM.

SPIN FOR WOMEN? SURE

BARRE? ABSOLUTELY

YOGA AND PILATES? YOU BET

LONG DISTANCE RUNNING? YES MA’AM

BUT POWERLIFTING?

BODYBUILDING?

THAT WAS ONLY FOR THE PROS.

OR CROSSFIT. BUT CF HAD NOT BLOWN UP BY THAT POINT THE WAY IT HAS NOW. CF WAS VIEWED AS A BIT ‘CULTY’ BACK THEN. DIE-HARDS ONLY. BUT NOW, SUZANNE 52 FROM ACCOUNTING IS ROCKING HER CROSSFIT CLASSES. GO GIRL!

THERE’S BEEN A REALLY COOL SHIFT IN THE FITNESS WORLD THE LAST 10 YEARS. IT’S BEEN UNDENIABLE. AND WEIRD TO WATCH FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

IN SO MANY WAYS, I THINK IT’S REALLY GREAT.

BUT LIKE ANYTHING ELSE, SOCIAL MEDIA HAS TAKEN IT TOO FAR.

WAY TOO FAR.

BACK WHEN I WAS AT MY PEAK OF LIFTING AND PERFORMING, INSTAGRAM WAS NEWBORN. HARDLY A THING. AND DEFINITELY NOT A PLACE YOU SHARED YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY.

PICTURES OF TREES, YOUR FOOD PLATE, AND YOUR PET, YEP.

BUT NOT VIDEOS OF LIFTING. THERE WAS NO PROFESSIONAL CAPITALIZATION ON THIS PLATFORM YET.

MY NOSTALGIC HEART MISSES THAT ERA SO DEEPLY.

MY HEART MISSES THAT FITNESS LEVEL TOO HAHAHA *AS I WHEEZE + COUGH MY WAY THROUGH THIS BLOG*. BLAME THE VIRUS I HAVE NOT MY INACTIVITY. OKAY MAYBE BOTH, AS OF LATE. TIS THE SEASON, NO? FOR SICKNESS, OF COURSE.

WHEN I LEFT MY 2ND GYM HOME TO VENTURE OUT ON MY OWN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, LITTLE DID I KNOW HOW MUCH MY FITNESS LEVELS WOULD DECLINE. BUT IT WAS INEVITABLE. I COULD HAVE (SHOULD HAVE) MADE BETTER EFFORTS AT LAYING BOUNDARIES AND PUTTING ME FIRST. BUT IT FELT ALMOST UNAVOIDABLE TO SOME DEGREE. I WAS TRAINING 13-15 PEOPLE 6-7 DAYS A WEEK. FIRST CLIENT AT 6AM. LAST CLIENT AT 7 OR 8PM. I SUCKED AT SAYING NO.

I WAS ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED. RUN DOWN. AND BURNING OUT.

BUT MY HEART AND SOUL WERE ON FIRE. I HAD AN END GOAL.

MONTHS BEFORE THIS ADVENTURE, I GOT INTO A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN I HAD MET 6 YEARS PRIOR IN MEXICO. THE STARS HAD ALIGNED AND WE WERE PUTTING OUR CHANCES OF LOVE TO THE TEST, AT LAST.

I WAS SLEEPING WAY LESS THAN I NEEDED TO RECOVER.

AND BY THE END OF 2017, MY “END GOAL” ARRIVED.

I CLOSED UP SHOP TO COME DOWN TO THE USA TO SEE IF MY, NOW HUSBAND, AND I COULD GET ALONG FOR MORE THAN A FEW DAY WEEKEND AT A TIME.

I WORKED SO HARD PRIOR TO THE MOVE THAT I COMPLETELY BURIED MYSELF.

I FELL OUT OF LOVE WITH TRAINING. I FELL OUT OF FITNESS MYSELF. MY THYROID WAS BURNING UP IN FLAMES FROM CHRONIC STRESS AND LACK OF RECOVERY. AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE LIGHTS STARTED KICKING ON. MEDICAL UNKNOWNS, RAMPANT.

I WAS LIVING IN A FOREIGN PLACE, BOTH EXTERNALLY AND INTERNALLY.

I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE MY BODY, OR MY MIND. I WAS LIVING IN A COMPLETELY NEW COUNTRY, WITH NEW CULTURE. AND THE INDUSTRY I WAS SO FAMILIAR WITH, MY “SAFE-HAVEN”, WAS UNRECOGNIZABLE. 

I FELT ALIENATED AND ALONE. I HIT A VERY DARK BOUT OF DEPRESSION.

AND WHEN THE TIME FINALLY CAME; WHEN I RECEIVED MY WORKING VISA AND I WAS GRANTED PERMISSION TO RE ENTER THE WORKING WORLD (1.5 YEARS LATER)... I WAS SERIOUSLY AT A LOSS.

QUARTER. LIFE. CRISIS.

I NEVER FELT SO OUT OF THE LOOP WITH FITNESS.

I FELT LIKE THE MOMENT I DECIDED TO BECOME A SOLE-PRIORIETOR SUMMER 2016, I BLINKED TOO LONG, ENTERED A COMA, AND WOKE UP IN A LIFE AND A WORLD COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

BECAUSE IT WAS. EVERYTHING CHANGED FOR ME.

FITNESS CULTURE 2015/2016 AND FITNESS CULTURE 2019 WAS NIGHT AND DAY DIFFERENT.

IG TOOK OFF AND EVERYONE AND THEIR DOG WERE SUDDENLY FINDING THEIR FACE AND THEIR VOICE ONLINE AS A FITNESS INFLUENCER. WHO THE HECK WAS I, RIGHT?

I FELT EXPIRED FOR A WHILE.

THE ONLINE FITNESS WORLD HAS BLOWN UP SINCE 2019. MAGNIFIED 100 FOLD BECAUSE OF, UM.., LET’S CALL IT THE APOCALYPSE OF 2020.

EVERYONE, THEIR DOG, AND UNCLE EARL NOW CLAIMS TO BE A HEALTHCARE / WELLNESS PROFESSIONAL. OR, ONE UP, “A MENTOR” TO HEALTH PROFESSIONALS LMAO. [I HELP FITNESS PROFESSIONALS BUILD AN ONLINE BUSINESS AND MAKE 10K / MO, EFFORTLESSLY”] **CRINGGEEEE.

AND THE PEOPLE (THE AUDIENCE), GIVES THEM INFINITE POWER WITHOUT CREDENTIALS CAUSE THEYYYYY CUTE! CAUSE THEY TRENDY. CAUSE THEY HAVE A LARGE FOLLOWING.

I KNOW, I SOUND PETTY AND JEALOUS. PROMISE I’M NOT.

I’M ACTUALLY INFURIATED, AT TIMES DEFEATED, EXHAUSTED, AND ANNOYED. THOSE THINGS I DEFINITELY AM.

WHY AM I SO AFFECTED BY THE ONLINE FITNESS WORLD OF TODAY?

BECAUSE MORE THAN HALF OF IT IS MADE UP OF PEOPLE GIVING GENERALIZED, INAPPLICABLE, DANGEROUS ADVICE THAT LACKS CONTEXT, PAIRED WITH FALSE CLAIMS AND SENSATIONALIZED HYPOTHETICAL OUTCOMES. THAT’S WHY.

AND I AM LEFT TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.

I’M ONE OF THE FEW HONEST, OG COACHES OUT HERE WHO DOES NOT CARE ABOUT SOCIAL STATUS, LOOKING CUTE, BEING TRENDY, USING THE RIGHT AUDIO ON A REEL, POSTING IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME WITH THE RIGHT HASHTAG, I DON’T LIE FOR PERSONAL GAIN, I DON’T SELL BOGUS SUPPLEMENTS FOR KICKBACK, AND I DON’T WASTE MY LIFE ENGAGING IN THINGS OR WITH PEOPLE THAT DON’T ALIGN WITH MY DEEPEST VALUES. PERIOD.

SO REAL PEOPLE COME TO ME LOOKING FOR REAL LIFE CHANGING ADVICE AND GUIDANCE.

AND I HAVE TO SPEND * YEARS * SWIMMING UPSTREAM WITH THESE CLIENTS IN ATTEMPT TO UNDO THE BULLSHIT WIRING DRILLED SO DEEPLY INTO THEM BY IDIOTS OF THE INTERNET. 

YEARS!

SO THAT’S WHY I AM SO INFURIATED, AT TIMES DEFEATED, EXHAUSTED, AND ANNOYED.

CLIENTS COME TO ME SO CONFUSED AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH THEIR OWN BODIES THAT IT’S ALARMING.

AS A NATION, WE’VE LOST SIGHT OF OUR ABILITY TO FUNCTION INTUITIVELY.

AND FRANKLY… OUR INTUITION/INSTINCTS HAVE LITERALLY BEEN DULLED AND MORPHED OVER THE YEARS FROM DEPOSITS OF BRAINWASHING, COERCION AND ONLINE * INFLUENCE *!!!

WE ARE CHEMICALLY CHANGED.

I DEEPLY BELIEVE THAT QUACKS OF THE INTERNET ACCIDENTLY CAUSED THIS, AND EVILS OF THE G O V INTENTIONALLY PUSHED US TO THIS POINT. 

BUT THIS ISN’T A  BLOG FOR POLITICAL DEBATE.

THERE’S NO DEBATE AROUND THE CLAIM THAT MOST PEOPLE LACK THE KNOWLEDGE (INFORMATION OVERLOAD, PEOPLE CAN’T DISCERN RIGHT FROM WRONG AND PICK WHAT’S APPLICABLE TO THEM), AND THE NECESSARY SKILLS FOR EATING WELL AND IMPLEMENTING SOUND MOVEMENT INTO THEIR DAILY LIVES. OUR DOCTORS ARE “SICK-CARE'' (NOT HEALTH-CARE) AND THE MEDICAL SYSTEM FOCUSES ON BANDAGING SYMPTOMS, REACTIVELY. OH AND FUNDING FOR PREVENTATIVE HEALTHCARE IS BASICALLY NON EXISTENT.

UNDEBATABLE. IT’S FACT.

AND THOUGH THE GRAM AND TIK TOK MAKE IT APPEAR THAT WE ARE A FITTER GENERATION, THE ACTUAL STATISTICS STILL SAY WE ARE NOT.

OBESITY CONTINUES TO RISE.

I’M NOT THE LEAST BIT SHOCKED WHEN PEOPLE ARE TURNING TO SM ACCOUNTS LIKE ‘MELANIE 17 YO WITH 1.2 MILL FOLLOWERS A CUTE 3 LBS YORKIE AND DADDY’S MONEY’ FOR FITNESS AND HEALTH ADVICE.

THE FUQ WE EXPECTING?

SCIENCE-BACKED GUIDANCE?

SUSTAINABLE RESULTS?

ARE WE TRULY EXPECTING MELANIE’S “14 HOUR 14 LBS WEIGHT LOSS HACK” TO WORK.

C’MON. NO WE ARE NOT. NOT WHEN WE LET OUR LOGICAL MIND LEAD, ANYWAY.

BUT YES, WHEN WE LET OUR DESPERATE HEARTS TAKE LEAD.

AND THAT’S WHAT IS SAD AND SCARY ABOUT THE BEAUTY, HEALTH AND WELLNESS INDUSTRIES. THEY PREY ON PEOPLE’S DESPERATION AND VULNERABILITIES.

IT’S CRUEL, REALLY.

WHAT I SO PROUDLY KNOW AT 31YO, IS THAT I’M NOTHING LIKE SO MANY OF THESE INFLUENCERS ONLINE. AND I SAY THAT WITH SO MUCH FKN PRIDE.

YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME SOLICITING MY BUSINESS WITH TRENDY WORDS TO CATCH DESPERATE EARS.

PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU TO PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION IF YOU’RE ACQUIRING SOME KIND OF SERVICE THAT’S LABELED WITH THESE WORDS:

ABS IN 5 – OR ANY OTHER BODY PART IN ANY OTHER RIDICULOUS TIME FRAME(THIS DOESN’T MEAN ABS IN 5 MINUTES IT MEANS THE WORKOUT IS 5 MINUTES AND GOING TO TAKE YOU MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTH WITH DIETARY CHANGES THEY’RE NOT MENTIONING)

___ HACK (THERE ARE. NO. HACKS. THEY ARE SELLING YOU ON THE ART OF ‘SECRECY’. THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON’T, AND THEREFORE YOUR INSTINCTS KICK IN, AND SUDDENLY YOU FIND YOURSELF WANTING TO BELONG TO A GROUP OF “BETTER EQUIPPED HUMANS”. DON’T FALL FOR IT.)

DETOX (OUR ORGANS DO THIS FOR FREE. IF YOUR ORGANS ARE ACTUALLY STRUGGLING TO FUNCTION CONSIDER AMPING UP YOUR BASIC SELF CARE PRACTICES... REST, MOVEMENT, FRUITS VEGETABLES AND PROTEIN, LYMPHATIC STIMULATION, AND CNS REGULATION. 

FAT LOSS FOREVER (NOT SOMETHING ANYONE CAN EVER GUARANTEE. EVER.)

CHEAT MEALS (THIS SETS THE STAGE FOR DISORDERED EATING AND IN EXTREMES, EATING DISORDERS)

ELIMINATION DIETS (SOME PEOPLE REALLY DO NEED TO DO ONE OF THESE, BUT UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF A REGISTERED DIETICIAN AND HONESTLY IT SHOULD NOT BE FIRST CHOICE APPROACH!)

EATING OR TRAINING FOR BODY TYPES OR BLOOD TYPES (GIMMICKY AND NOT BACKED BY SCIENCE)

DIRTY BULK (NOT HEALTHY AND COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.)

AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE AVOID PEOPLE WHO SHELL OUT TOXIC ADVICE LIKE “WE ALL HAVE THE SAME 24H!”

NO, NANCY. NO TF WE DO NOT.

YOUR 24 HOURS LOOK 100% DIFFERENT FROM EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON ON THIS PLANET. WE HAVE DIFFERENT RESPONSIBILITIES, GOALS, RECOVERY NEEDS, RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS, GOALS, PRIVILEDGE, ACCESSIBILITY (I CAN GO ON AND ON). NO TWO PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME AGENDA WITHIN 24H. THIS TYPE OF MARKETING ONLY ELICITS SHAME AND GUILT. THOSE ARE SHITTY ASS MOTIVATORS FOR HONEST CHANGE, IF YOU ASK ME. Y'ALL WILL NEED THERAPY BEFORE YOU’RE DONE WITH THEIR SERVICES.

GOSH I COULD MAKE THIS LIST ENDLESS. BUT I THINK YOU SEE MY POINT.

I AM NOT TRENDY.

I HATE FADS.

I HATE TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH SOCIAL MEDIA ALGORITHMS - SO I DON’T.

I HAVE NEVER INVESTED TO KEEP UP WITH QUICK FASHION OR OTHER.

I DO ME.

I AM ME.

AND THE RIGHT PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO ME EXACTLY BECAUSE I SHOW UP AS ME DAY IN AND DAY OUT.

AFTER 15 YEARS IN AND OUT OF DIFFERENT GYMS, I’VE NICELY SETTLED INTO WHO I AM, FULLY ACCEPTING WHO I’M NOT.

I MIGHT NOT WOW YOU WITH MY SM FEED.

I WON’T WOW YOU WITH MY “ENDLESS AVAILABILITY TO SPEND TIME IN THE GYM” ANYMORE. I AM NO LONGER THE PERSON SPENDING 10-15H A WEEK ON MY OWN WORKOUTS.

I’M NOT A DIEHARD TO HAVE THE LEAST AMOUNT OF BODY FAT %.

I’M CERTAINLY NOT THE ONE SPENDING 45 MINUTES ON A STAIRMASTER AFTER EACH WORKOUT.

THAT AIN’T ME.

I DON’T CARE FOR THOSE THINGS IN THIS PHASE OF LIFE.

EVERYTHING I’M NOT, THOUGH, IS EVERYTHING I AM.

I AM SOMEONE WHO PRIORITIZES BOUNDARIES. I’VE LEARNED TO SAY NO. I VALUE MY FAMILY OVER EVERYTHING ELSE. WORK LIFE BALANCE IS #1 FOR ME. I PROTECT MY REST AND RECOVERY TIME.

I CAN WOW YOU WITH THOSE THINGS, IF YOU LET IT HAPPEN.

CAUSE BEING THE KIND OF COACH WHO USES FITNESS AND THE GYM TO LIVE A TRULY ENRICHED LIFE * OUTSIDE * OF THE GYM, IS THE REAL FLEX IMO.

I CAN WOW YOU WITH MY LOYALTY. MY KNOWLEDGE. MY COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE. MY DEDICATION TO HELPING OTHERS. MY RELIABILITY AND MY PROFESSIONALISM. I’LL WOW YOU WITH MY COMPASSION.

I’M PROUD OF WHO I AM.

AND I’D LOVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO HELP YOU EXPERIENCE THE SAME!