Who’s the adult around here?!

LET ME PREFACE THIS BLOG WITH THIS: I AM IN NO WAY PERFECT, I IN NO WAY HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT, I RECOGNIZE MY FLAWS AND MY SHORTCOMINGS, I DO NOT THINK I AM BETTER THAN OTHERS, AND I’LL NEVER PRETEND TO KNOW SOMEONE ELSE’S FULL STORY.

WITH THAT, I AM RELENTLESSLY COMMITMENT TO MY EVOLVEMENT AS A HUMAN; AS A WIFE, A MOM, A COACH, A BUSINESS OWNER. I COMMIT TO LEARN, AND I COMMIT TO IMPROVE.

Are You?

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NOW, LET’S ALSO GO AHEAD AND STATE THE OBVIOUS: PARENTING IS FUCKING HARD.

IT IS - HANDS DOWN - THE TOUGHEST SHIT I’VE EVER DONE. MOST DAYS, I HAVE NO CLUE WTF I’M DOING OR HOW TO HANDLE SITUATIONS IN THE MOMENT. BUT, I DO SEEK OUT KNOWLEDGE, EDUCATION, AND I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO EXPAND MY TOOL KIT OF WAYS TO SUPPORT MY GROWING CHILD * AND * IMPROVE MY PARENTING SKILLS. I AM REGULARLY TRYING TO BREAK GENERATIONAL TRENDS, AND TRAUMA, AND I AM ALWAYS CURIOUS ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WERE PASSED DOWN TO ME.

I BELIEVE EVERYTHING IS WORTH QUESTIONING, AND WE SHOULD NEVER BLINDLY ADOPT BELIEFS / TRADITIONS WITHOUT HESITATION AND INVESTIGATION.

AND I THINK THAT WE SHOULD ALSO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE EVERYTHING OUR OWN.

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MOST PEOPLE WOULD AGREE THAT PARENTING IS HARD. DUH, IT’S NO SECRET.

But here’s the alarming kicker…

THERE’S A F*CK TON OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO DON’T REALIZE THAT WE MUST ALSO LEARN TO PARENT OURSELVES. AND TYPICALLY, THE NEED TO PARENT OURSELVES LONG PRECEDES THE REALIZATION THAT THIS NEED EXISTS. WE’RE TALKING * YEARS * DIFFERENTIAL.

SO MANY ADULTS GO AT LEAST A DECADE BEFORE COMING TO TERMS WITH THE REALITY THAT * THEIR * PARENTS HAVE SET THEM TOTALLY ASAIL MOONS AGO. THAT THEY ARE ALONE IN NAVIGATING THE COURSE OF THEIR LIVES.

YOUR PARENTS ARE NO LONGER GOING TO SLAP YOU ON THE WRIST FOR DOING, OR * NOT * DOING, THE THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING.

WE CALL THESE THINGS “PERSONAL LAWS”. LAWS TO LIVE BY. LAWS THAT MAKE US GREAT PEOPLE AND LEAD GREAT LIVES.

HERE’S HOW PERSONAL LAWS WORK…

IF YOU LIVE BY THEM - YOU GET TO CELEBRATE + REAP THE REWARDS.

BUT IF YOU DON’T DO THEM - ONLY YOU GET TO PUNISH, OR PERHAPS IGNORE (HEAVY ON THE LATTER) THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN’T DO THEM. AND ULTIMATELY, SOONER OR LATER, YOU WILL REAP THE CONSEQUENCES.

YOUR PERSONAL LAWS ARE YOUR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY, NOBODY ELSE’S.

A PARENT TO CHILD(REN) OR NOT. YOU HAVE TO PARENT YOURSELF. WE’RE ALL IN THIS PARENTING GIG TOGETHER. (*CALL IT WHATEVER YOU WANT, THOUGH.)

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I DISCOVERED MY OWN PARENTING-NEEDS LONG AGO. LONG BEFORE I WAS ACTUALLY AN ADULT BY LEGAL-AGE, LONG BEFORE MOST PEOPLE SHOULD. I WAS STILL A KID, REALLY.

HERE’S HOW IT PLAYED OUT.

MY BROTHER WAS ASSAULTED AT 18 YEARS OLD, MAKING HIM BLIND IN ONE EYE. I WAS 13 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME; HARDLY A “WOMAN” AT ALL. AS MY FAMILY GRIEVED THE TRAUMA AND WE WERE FORCED TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE OLD REALITY WE ONCE KNEW, I, WAS PUSHED TO STEP INTO A NEW ROLE IN LIFE.

I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE INNOCENCE OF MY CHILDHOOD AND THE NOVELTY TWEEN-DRAMA. I HAD TD TAKE ON MUCH LARGER RESPONSIBILITIES AS MY PARENTS STRUGGLED TO MANAGE THEIR OVERBEARING GRIEF.

I WENT OUT AND GOT MY FIRST JOB, BARELY THE MINIMUM LEGAL AGE TO WORK IN ONTARIO. BUT THANKFULLY, IT WAS A FAMILY-OWNED BUSINESS AND THEY PULLED SOME STRINGS. I’VE BEEN WORKING EVER SINCE. COMICALLY, THAT FIRST JOB WAS HOSTING BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR KIDS MERELY 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN I. EVERYONE AT THE JOB THOUGHT I WAS AT LEAST 5 YEARS AHEAD OF MY AGE… NOBODY BELIEVED I WAS ONLY 13 YEARS OLD.

LAUNCHED INTO ADULTHOOD, MUCH TOO SOON. BUT I HAVE NO REGRETS ABOUT IT. NOT THAT I HAD A CHOICE IN THE MATTER.

I WAS PARENTING MYSELF IN MANY WAYS.

AT 18 YEARS OLD I HAD A STARK REALIZATION THAT SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE.

I HAD TO CHANGE THE WAY I PARENTED MYSELF IF I WANTED TO DEVELOP A LIFE DIFFERENT THAN THE ONE I WAS USED TO LIVING / WITNESSING IN THE ADULTS AROUND ME. I COULDN’T KEEP ‘RAISING’ MYSELF IN THE SAME DYSFUNCTIONAL WAYS, WITH THE SAME LIMITING BELIEFS, AND THE SAME QUESTIONABLE VALUES.

I KNEW I WANTED… NO, I * NEEDED * TO BREAK FREE FROM THE GENERATIONAL SUFFERING. SO I HAD TO START PARENTING DIFFERENTLY.

I TOOK THE BIGGEST LEAP INTO PERSONAL-ACCOUNTABILITY THAT I COULD THINK OF AT THAT AGE, AND WENT ON TO STUDY HEALTH AND FITNESS. I SAW THAT AS ONE OF THE MOST PRESSING AREAS IN WHICH MY PARENTS AND THEIR PARENTS SUFFERED (AND BY RIPPLE EFFECT, MY BROTHERS AND I). I WAS THE ONLY NON-SMOKER LIVING IN A HOUSE WITH 6 SMOKERS (WHO, IF THAT WASN’T CLEAR, LITERALLY SMOKED IN THE HOUSE)…

I FELT A PULL DEEP IN MY SOUL, A PULL THAT HAD UNWAVERING STRENGTH, TO BE DIFFERENT. TO MAKE CHANGE. TO * BE * THE CHANGE. AND TO CHALLENGE THE TRENDS.

SO I ACCEPTED MY CALLING AS A BLACK SHEEP, AND USED THAT AS MY STARTING POINT TO PARENT DIFFERENTLY.

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I HAD NO IDEA THE IMPACT HEALTH AND WELLNESS WAS GOING TO HAVE OVER MY ENTIRE LIFE. OR THE INFLUENCE I WOULD GROW TO HAVE ON OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES, AND… BY RIPPLE EFFECT, THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR PARTNERS AND ALL THE PEOPLE DIRECTLY RELATED TO THEIR LIVES!

BY 20 YEARS OLD, MANY MANY YEARS BEFORE I TRULY ENTERED PARENTHOOD, I WAS HELPING OTHERS PARENT THEMSELVES. I WAS PARENTING. I WAS DOIN’ THE DAMN THING!

HERE’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE…

WE RELY ON OUR ELDERS TO PARENT US UNTIL THEY THINK WE ARE OLD ENOUGH TO PARENT OURSELVES.

OFTEN, WE ARE SENT OFF, OUT OF OUR COMFY COZY LITTLE NESTS, TO BRAVE THE WORLD, LONG BEFORE WE’RE TRULY EQUIPPED TO DO SO.

EITHER, WE’RE LATE IN MATURING ENOUGH TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. OR, OUR PARENTS NEVER MATURED OR EVOLVED WELL ENOUGH TO EQUIP US. OFTEN, BOTH.

IN EITHER CASE, IT’S YEARS BEFORE WE REALIZE “OH F*!. THIS ISN’T WORKING.” SOMETIMES THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR COMPILED DAILY CHOICES TAKES YEARS TO APPEAR IN OUR LIVES. BUT NEVERTHELESS, IT ALWAYS DOES.

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So at what point will you accept the role of adulting?

At what point will you choose to parent yourself well?

When will you develop personal laws that are respectable to live by?

***And when, then, will you actually f*cking live by them?***

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IT’S SCARY HOW MANY SO-CALLED “ADULTS” ARE OUT THERE RAISING CHILDREN, WHEN THESE SO-CALLED “ADULTS” ARE ACTUALLY BEHAVING LIKE CHILDREN THEMSELVES.

WE’RE LIKE A ZOMBIE-NATION OF IRRESPONSIBLE, WRECKLESS, CONSEQUENCE-NEGLECTING, PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY-AVOIDANT, INSTANT GRAT-OBSESSED, BOUNDARY-LACKING, OVER INDULGENT … “ADULT-AGED-CHILDREN”, RAISING CHILDREN.

F*CKING. CONCERNING.

IT’S TERRIFYING. THINK OF WHAT THESE BEHAVIORS ARE BREEDING INTO NEWER GENERATIONS?!

WHETHER YOU HAVE CHILDREN, WANT CHILDREN, WANT BUT CAN’T HAVE CHILDREN, DESPISE CHILDREN… WHATEVER YOUR UNIQUE CIRCUMSTANCE WITH PROCREATION…

How are you parenting yourself?

HOW ARE YOU RAISING YOURSELF THROUGH THIS LIFE? WHAT PERSONAL BEHAVIORS DO YOU TOLERATE?

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ARE YOU JUST FLOATING THROUGH LIFE, LIKE A CHILD, ONLY WITHOUT THE THREAT OF BEING GROUNDED, BY MUMS AND POPS, FOR YOUR SHIT BEHAVIORS?

PRETTY TERRIFYING IF YOU ARE!

I SEE SO MANY ADULT-CHILDREN MAKING CHOICES (OR AVOIDING MAKING CHOICES), AND ACTING AS THOUGH THE CONSEQUENCES AREN’T LURKING AROUND THE NEXT CORNER. OR AS THOUGH THEIR CHOICES DON’T AFFECT THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM, IN SOME VARYING DEGREE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY LAWS, RULES, EXPECTATIONS OR THE ALIKE, REGARDING THE WAY YOU EAT, DRINK, SLEEP, WORK, COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS, OR MOVE YOUR BODY?

DO YOU

EAT AND DRINK WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT, AND IN WHATEVER QUANTITY YOUR HEART DESIRES IN THAT MOMENT? AS THOUGH DISEASE AND ILLNESS AREN’T DIRECTLY INFLUENCED BY WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH?

DO YOU USE TECHNOLOGY WITHOUT LIMITATIONS? TV, PHONE, COMPUTER, TABLET, GAMING. DO YOU LET YOURSELF ON AT ANY POINT IN THE DAY? STAY ON UNTIL 3AM? SPEND 5H A DAY SCROLLING? DID YOUR PARENTS LET YOU DO THAT AS A KID? AT ANY POINT, DO YOU SAY, “THAT’S ENOUGH FOR TODAY!”

WHAT ABOUT YOUR SLEEP SCHEDULE? DO YOU EVEN HAVE ONE? ARE YOU ALWAYS OVERSLEEPING OR UNDER SLEEPING? MISSING OUT ON LIFE OR MISSING OUT ON RESTORATION?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? YOUR SEX LIFE? WHO DO YOU TOLERATE IN YOUR CIRCLE? DO THESE PEOPLE RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES? DO YOU EVEN HAVE BOUNDARIES?

DO YOU EXERCISE AND STAY ACTIVE DAILY? DO YOU HOLD YOURSELF TO ANY KIND OF STEP COUNT CRITERIA? DO YOU STRETCH AND STRENGTHEN?

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR YOUR MIND? HOW DO YOU HEAL IT? HOW DO YOU GROW IT?

IF YOU HAVE NO PERSONAL LAWS IN LIFE — I’M GOING TO BREAK IT TO YOU – YOU'RE AN ADULT-CHILD.

AND THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR BEHAVIOR WILL FIND YOU, ONE DAY.

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I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU SOME OF MY PERSONAL LAWS.

NOTE: I AM CONTINUOUSLY DEVELOPING, CHANGING, SUBSTITUTING MY LAWS AS I SEE FIT, AT EVERY GIVEN MOMENT IN LIFE. THE REALITY IS THAT THEY ARE * ALWAYS * GOING TO EVOLVE AND CHANGE DEPENDING ON CIRCUMSTANCE.

YOU CANNOT JUST CREATE A FEW LAWS, AND EXPECT TO STILL LIVE BY THEM 15 YEARS FROM TODAY. THEY ALWAYS CHANGE. AND SOMETIMES THEY CHANGE OFTEN.

SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO ADJUST THEM MONTHLY. SOMETIMES WEEKLY. SOME LAWS APPLY ON ONLY CERTAIN DAYS OF THE WEEK. OTHERS, CERTAIN TIMES OF THE DAY.

PERSONAL LAWS HAVE NO LIMITS, REALLY.

THINK OF IT AS YOUR OWN PERSONAL

“ code of character ”

THESE ARE THE CODES YOU WISH TO LIVE BY IN ORDER TO ACTUALLY LOVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE, TO BE THE GROWN ASS ASULT THAT YOU ARE, AND TO IMPROVE / UPKEEP YOUR HEALTH + WELLBEING.

I ENCOURAGE YOU TO CREATE A COUPLE OF LAWS FOR EACH DIMENSION OF WELLNESS. THERE ARE EIGHT